LOVED THE WRONG ONE

The flaws that flow through my body

I am in pursuit of happiness. I'm finding it in the oddest of places; In the people I interact with, the places I visit, but especially I am finding it in me.

I have found it in my imperfections; in my flaws that flow through my body. I am finally being Intrinsic!

I truly believe that loving and being kind to people is not a sign of weakness. Don't get me wrong it's not, necessarily, a strength either.

Because after all, it is about the desires of our egos isn't it? Even for an altruist, the ego comes first. Naturally, Of course.

So the act of loving, might also be considered selfish, in the sense that we are satisfying our ego, our I, ourselves.

When I love, I love with my all and then some. This isn't always a bad thing, I mean, I never have a problem knowing where my allegiance lies: With family and all those friends I've come to cherish along the way. The ones that have in a major way shaped who I am today, the ones that stood by me at my lowest and through my worst when I was in depression; when I went through my Existential Crisis(probably still am), when I experienced loss and also when I rediscovered my happiness, hope and joy.

Here is where the problem lies, there are those 'loved' ones who come into your life from nowhere and all of a sudden you are hooked.Completely!

Don't get me started on the ones that only last long enough for you to fantasize about them then they leave. The ones that promise a future; they promise to be there tomorrow and maybe the day after. The ones you asked nothing of them, yet they willingly offer their love. These my friends, are our Modern day False Prophets.

The ones that have you; Body, mind and soul.

The ones you have no idea what attracted you to them, neither do you know why you are staying. If you were being honest you know that you hadn't planned it to happen like this.

Heck! You hadn't planned at all.

Maybe that's the problem isn't it? You know, the 'if you don't stand for anything you'll fall for everything' typa shit.

Notice how he lures you in - just enough for you to stay one more night. Then you spend the rest of your days contemplating: going back in time to when it felt real. Then your mind races to the finish line: The end goal, the one you want, the one he knows he isn't going to give you.

It is in such moments we thank God for the small mercies. We thank God that we are women. We are strong, and for the few of us, we have each other and these moments aren't so hard with such kind of ladies around. Here is to my circle of girls, through my pen I bleed our stories.

For Jackie, Sharon,Janet and

Tina, Phie and Waridi.

And especially Tracy and Grace, whom.

within minutes of meeting, I knew I had

found lifelong friends. My Soulmates.

Love, Chakemah.